Developers Gone Wild

B News Architecture

"Leave not the mansion so long tenantless,
Lest, growing ruinous, the building fall
And leave no memory of what it was!"
Shakespeare -- The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Bridgeport architecture has never been shy: four-flat single family homes, slanted roofs, windows with a hypotenuse, indoor pools, sopresatta rooms, decks on top of garages, odd accessories on our stoop, you name it... we've never been criticized for being tame. And rightfully so, the buildings around us reflect the collective neighborhood's work, beliefs, and attitudes.

Whether for a good or for bad, that's all about to change: a neighborhood trend to eclipse all other trends is upon us. And much like everything Bridgeport, the trend won't be subtle. If there were ever a motto that describes 60616-08 it's, "all or nothin". Developers have made their choice, condos will now reign supreme over the neighborhood. Bridgeport will soon be enveloped in ever-increasing familiar burgundy brick.

B News Architecture has uncovered plans that describe the neighborhood's ascent into condo mania:

-- Parnell Avenue will cease to exist from 2900 S. - 3700 S. The street will be replaced with the a row of condos in anticipation of the eventual demolition of the single family homes which will be replaced by condos

• Zoning changes to repeal the 4 story cap on buildings in the neighborhood. The City Council's Building Committee will relinquish it's oversight on tall buildings to the FAA, who will be concerned with the 35,000 ft condo planned for the empty lot across the street from Pancho Pistola's.
  
  
• Frustrated that the townhomes next to the tracks we're not close enough to the trains, developers will build condos on each train car as they pass the 31st viaduct.
  
  
• Viaduct will no longer be pronounced "Veye-Dock," but "Condo-Dock"
  
  
• To keep up with the insatiable demand for new condos, developers will be knocking down all condos older than one year, and replacing them with more condos.
  
  
• A powerful modji developer will knock down St. Lucy and build a Croatian-themed condo building, complete with lamb room and 24-hour kolo band.
  
  
• Alleys will be replaced with innovative new trash condos. A new floor of condos will be built on top of the condo complex after the lower floors become filled with trash.
  
  
• In response to the rooftop craze taking over Cubs games, developers will introduce condo-suites where fans can watch the Sox from the comfort of the 87th floor of Armour Towers.
  
  
• Since space will eventually become a limiting factor, one developer has begun selling units at Aquapolis, an underwater community of condos built in Lake Michigan. (no men allowed)
  
  
• Block parties will be replaced with condo parties. Any tenant who is late on their assessments will not be invited.