Your Friendly Neighborhood Update

Neighborhood Crime -- Crime of the Week


B! News Crime
That Sonna-bitch Stole My... Edition

If the world is supposed to be a balanced, harmonious whole where the Yin flows back into the Yang and all that jazz, then when it comes to Bridgeport, the world has decided to be just a bit off. One only needs to think about all the shit that gets robbed in the neighborhood to feel the tilt of the cosmos. B! News Crime has had first hand experience with being robbed within the boundaries of the neighborhood. Here's a short list:

Two bikes, an almost-complete collection of Dylan CD's, a Lenten coin folder filled with about 20 dimes (when the house got robbed), two cars, a bunch of books from Troll (aka the biggest scam in grammar school) at least 100 baseball cards, both of my Andre the Giants and a nerf turbo.

Not only have neighborhood residents had things stolen from them, in an effort to restore balance to the world, they have stolen back - just with a bit more class. This has resulted in the neighborhood becoming home to one of the more unique social exercises in human history: the "theft-trend".

When historians meet to write the history of Bridgeport, will they notice the spike in chrome caps missing from vehicles circa 1991? Or what about the scorching summer of the Hood Ornament, complete with it's own hierarchy of stolen booty (my memory tells me it was Mack Truck, Mercedes, Cadillac, and at the bottom Chrysler - B! News Crime pimping the Chrysler hood ornament key chain back in 92). How about the year of the snatch and grab in Chinatown? Indeed, it might be said that the most familiar phrase to a Bridgeport pre-teen might be "Osco security walk... Osco security walk".

This history might explain why neighborhood residents are a bit protective about their property, no matter how insignificant: take a stroll down a neighborhood alley and see how many locked up gangway gates, lawn furniture, grills and hoses you find.

The local police have spoken and have pledged to change the way the neighborhood does business. But the reporting of crime is still stuck in the mid-twentieth century. For too long, Bridgeport crime reporting has relied on an unseen, but easily heard network of gossip and hearsay. Those days are finally over. B! News Social would like to direct your attention to Chicagocrime.org. From time to time, B! News Social will highlight one of these crimes and ask you, our vigilant visitors to help solve the Crime of the Week.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was a fan of stealing the pot in a craps game, someone throws the bones hard off the gangway and while the one nitwit with 25 bones on the action goes and plays fecth my LA gears got a Andrew Jackson under it

LilsSub said...

How bout the infamous running on the bill?

B News said...

Dollar Yo!

They never did get that hose from Mario. Maybe one day...

Anonymous said...

speaking of criminals.

Mario said...

...but they did take my Wha-Wha and a case of beer...bastards..